Recently Matthew Klonowski, a board co-chariman for HEART FOR THE CITY, wanted to get a better feel of what it would be like to be in need of some of the services that the organization offers. As a result, he decided to spend time as a panhandler. Following is a description of his day.
As I parked my car and walked to the corner I had chosen to be "my corner," Thomas and I-17, the knot of anxiety in my stomach completely drove out the hunger that had been lodged there. I tend to do the things that most don't think of, or don't want to do, and that was why I had volunteered myself for this task. I know that the people we help don't want sympathy - - and I also know that we could serve them better if we have empathy for what they are going through. As I settled myself in and held up my sign, I thought of a quote by Guillaume Apollinaire, a French poet of the early 20th Century:
"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came, he pushed them.
And they flew....
I smiled inwardly, hoping that I would fly and not simply fall off the edge!!
It wasn't long and I realized that the knot of anxiety was fear -- pure and unadulterated. I immediately began to pray for the strength to do this - - to be able to live out a life that I had never before ventured into. The first minute crept by, acting as though if it went slow enough it would go unnoticed. I checked my watch - - it still had consisted of only sixty seconds, even though it had seemed like a hundred! As minute number two introduced itself to my reality I began to question what I was doing. The funds I raised - - and as though my life depended on it I truly hoped I would raise some funds - - would be donated to HEART FOR THE CITY. But what if I didn't raise any funds? Worst yet, I thought, what if my next meal depended on what I raised and I didn't raise any?
Before I had to ponder that thought for very long a young lady in a white pick-up whipped out $2.00 and hollered, "here!" As I walked over to get the money I discovered that I could no longer contain my emotions - - and, as a result I wept openly. As the day wore on I became even more emotional as people gave to me - - some people who obviously had little enough for themselves. The gifts of generosity that I was receiving, however, drove home the words found in Acts 20:35 - "it is more blessed to give than to receive."
I kept at it, learning more than I had ever expected. More than once I felt like quitting, but I had committed myself to this activity and I have always maintained that commitment has nothing to do with feelings. After about two hours into it an undercover police officer drove up and asked me if I was hungry. When I assured him that I was he handed me a half eaten doughnut. Without hesitation I wolfed it down in front of him - - I was serious, I was hungry!
At twelve noon, after four of the most enlightening hours of my life, I called it a day. I was completely exhausted - both mentally and physically. Returning home I ate a large meal and then took a two-hour nap. Later than evening I evaluated what I had learned.
Being on the street, even for that short period of time, I felt completely vulnerable. To hold up that sign asking for money made me swallow every bit of pride that I had. I was scared - scared that I wouldn't raise any money at first, and then scared that someone might come by and forcibly take away from me that which I had raised. I felt lonely - and all alone, as though no one else in the world cared who I was or what happened to me. The only relief in all of this dismalness was the discovery and reality that some people, at least, had proven to be generous, even if their generosity proved to be sacrificial. The experience enforced what I already knew and felt - - it is our responsibility to be generous and help those in need - - even if that generosity has to be sacrificial.
To learn more about Matthew's day as a panhandler, go here. To learn more about Matthew, visit his company website. Before doing that, however, take a moment and make a generous donation to the HEART FOR THE CITY cause - they will feel almost as good about receiving it as you will about giving it.
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